I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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