you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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