Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
