he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
