fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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