Buhtt sex?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
