Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
