i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
