if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
