I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize