I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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