Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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