I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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