I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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