is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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