Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
