forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
