He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
