Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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