I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
