i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
