ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
