I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
