What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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