I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
