im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
