"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
