All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
