wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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