I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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