Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We talked him into tasing himself.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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