it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
