And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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