I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
