oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
