We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
