So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
