well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
