It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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