I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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