you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
