Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
