Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
