so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
