ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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