I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize