that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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