I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
