I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize