I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
