Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
