Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
