she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
