i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
