i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
