Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
