remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
