I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I still have a little drunk in my system
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize