if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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