dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
