plz talk dirty to me
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
