who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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