please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
