She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sext me about skeletons
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
