So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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