i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My balls are so social today.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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