Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
