i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
