I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
