Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
