...so i touched it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
