some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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