ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
