I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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