your room smells of hookers.
And success
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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