Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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