ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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