my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
