i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
