Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
