i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I would fuck him just for his dog
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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