My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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