Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
