There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
