Define "chronic" masturbator.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
