You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
