I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dignity is for republicans.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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