Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
