Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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