I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
