omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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