A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
