I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he shaved USA in his pubs
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
