I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
