he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
