About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
