Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
