Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
